Post by acclue lockheart on Dec 23, 2007 21:00:43 GMT -5
Alright, here's a story that I had a rough time making. It's already done and I wrote it in the rather pressed time period of two weeks (surprisingly NOT for National Novel Writing Month) just to meet an extended deadline for a short story due in creative writing class. It actually ended up being medium-sized novella length (about 25,000 words). Everyone in the class was stunned that I handed in a 96 page paper for the assignment XD I had to invent a new way to use staples! (which made it look kinda sloppy, but I didn't care).
Anyway, it's a 13 chapter science fiction novella that I haven't attempted to edit or publish as of yet, and I'm generally very happy with it (except for chapter V, the fight scene there needs some SERIOUS work! But I'll still be showing the original anyway). The whole thing needs some detail working, but I was happy enough with what I made for the assignment (and got full credit at that ^^ ).
I usually start my stories in the third person to introduce the main characters since there seems to be no right way for a main character to describe their physique, and changed to that characters point of view shortly after. But for some reason, this time, third person objective seemed like a better point of view to tell the story. Especially with the nature of the main character... The objective perspective tends to jump around from chapter to chapter, but I liked it anyway.
So, without further ado, here is my first work that was actually completed from start to finish, [you]The Prototype[/you]
---------------------------
Chapter I: Amnesia
Hello. My name is Iie, Iie Joucho. Just a little while ago that was about all I could remember. It's a long story, but I promise it won't be boring.
It all started that day a few months ago. I woke up in a city alleyway. All I could remember was my name and that I was eleven years old. I looked in a broken mirror someone had tossed aside and saw I was a really small kid with long, white hair and strange large blue eyes wearing some old tattered robe.
My head hurt. I put my hand up to it and felt a small metal box "Ah!" I tried to pull at it, but it hurt when it moved, so I decided to leave it alone.
Stepping out of the alley in a daze, I wandered directly into the middle of the street. A car narrowly avoided me and I jumped backward to the sidewalk.
These surprise discoveries soon became commonplace to me. I nearly fell down a maintenance tunnel manhole, I found food and a man chased after me saying I had to pay for it, I even almost walked in front of a large construction vehicle.
Soon though, I became accustomed to this place. I found ways to get food without the people noticing, I found ways of getting around the city quickly. Things were fine until I began to notice that people were following me and I started wondering what I was doing there.
I saw the group that was following me everywhere I went. They wore nothing but black clothes, and were brilliant at hiding themselves. I saw them in the streets, at the market, even at the little half-destroyed home I stayed in at the edge of town. I once tried to talk to one of them, but they just walked away as if I weren't there.
Eventually though, my interesting happy little life took a turn for the worse. Now I'm not just being watched. The group that was after me before was actively trying to catch me doing something wrong. Last time I tried to take something from the market, one of them pointed me out and tried arresting me as an undercover cop. I got away with that, but I think they're getting desperate.
I never sleep. It sounds strange, but I don't really need it, which is lucky for me now that they're after me.
I'm happy though. They haven't caught me yet and it's actually kinda fun. Tomorrow, I hope to see them again, maybe they'll try something new.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Iie didn't expect the group's next move, and it wasn't welcomed as entertaining either. He was being chased through the side roads and alleys of the city by armed soldiers. None seemed willing to shoot at him, but it was still very dangerous.
Iie frowned, looking down from an old clock tower he had climbed up. "Now what?" he asked himself, dangling his legs off the edge of the ancient stone working. This area of the town refused to be modernized after space travel became a normal occurrence and the close by area 16 had been made into a ship dock.
That was it. Iie knew what to do now. He knew he didn't belong in the city and he had to lose the strange army of black-wearing stalkers. He knew he would have to get on one of those ships. He began to climb down the rusty metal ladder, stopping once when two people walked under it. He only saw their flashlights, but he was sure it was them, nobody else ever came to the area.
A couple of minutes after they were gone, Iie breathed a sigh of relief. The metal groaned and one of the ladder's step broke out from under him. He caught himself on the next bar up, but watching the bar fall down to the ground with a loud clank made him start to wonder why he always chose such high places to hide and think.
Soon he was on the ground running for the star port like mad. There was at least one person chasing him by now, so he couldn't stop for anything.
The massive hulls of freight ships could be seen from nearly anywhere in the city, but Iie was starting to see the little personal vessels that just about every fourth person in the universe had at the time. Iie ran up to the fence and climbed over the links with ease. He had gotten a lot of practice from running away from annoyed stall merchants over the past couple months.
A few seconds after Iie made the jump, he heard a loud electric buzz behind him. He looked back to see two of the black-clothed people on the ground past the fence. He hadn't noticed the sign that said it was an electric fence, and he didn't care to wonder why he didn't get fried. He took a quick look around the small freight ships, but couldn't seem to find a way into one of them.
Iie heard the gate opening behind him, he had to hurry. Then he saw it. In big black block print, right in front of him, were the words "S2-Miracle" and under the words was an access panel propped up against a small square hole that someone evidentially forgot to close up after repair.
Once Iie got over how appropriate the ship's name was given the situation, he climbed inside and clambered through the small crawlspace in between the ship's corridors and the outside. By following the red maintenance lights through the interior, he managed to find an entrance to the ventilation system, by falling down through it. He cried out at this unexpected trip and landed with a loud thud at the bottom of a long series of sectioned, metal-plated walls. "Oww." Iie rubbed his head, surprised he wasn't unconscious.
He heard a voice from somewhere, he knew they had to have heard him fall, he had to get away fast. He crawled down through the tunnel of vents, hoping they would eventually lose him. It was too dark to see anything and he kept bumping his head off of walls, but he eventually stopped hearing the people.
It was a long wait before the ship would take off, so Iie entertained himself by watching the happenings he could see through the thin-slitted vents. A woman working at a control panel, a man working on a machine in the back, a man sleeping in front of a television, and several people carting small metal crates on board by the dozens. For the most part, it seemed like a very professional environment.
After two and a quarter hours of waiting and watching, a loud roar reverberated through the ventilation system. Surprised at first, Iie let out a yell, but it was drowned out by the noise. The engine started up and the ship was fast to leave the atmosphere.
---------------------------------
Yes, I do realize that characters with amnesia is a very common stereotypical way to start a story, but just follow along with this, and trust me that this is no typical story...
I have the whole thing ready, IO just don't wanna throw it all out at once and watch people ignore it saying "OMGZORZ W4LL 0F TEXT! you are TEH ST00PIDZ!"
Oh yes, and if any of you are somewhat fluent in the Japanese language, you might just learn something from a literal translation of the main character's name
Anyway, it's a 13 chapter science fiction novella that I haven't attempted to edit or publish as of yet, and I'm generally very happy with it (except for chapter V, the fight scene there needs some SERIOUS work! But I'll still be showing the original anyway). The whole thing needs some detail working, but I was happy enough with what I made for the assignment (and got full credit at that ^^ ).
I usually start my stories in the third person to introduce the main characters since there seems to be no right way for a main character to describe their physique, and changed to that characters point of view shortly after. But for some reason, this time, third person objective seemed like a better point of view to tell the story. Especially with the nature of the main character... The objective perspective tends to jump around from chapter to chapter, but I liked it anyway.
So, without further ado, here is my first work that was actually completed from start to finish, [you]The Prototype[/you]
---------------------------
Chapter I: Amnesia
Hello. My name is Iie, Iie Joucho. Just a little while ago that was about all I could remember. It's a long story, but I promise it won't be boring.
It all started that day a few months ago. I woke up in a city alleyway. All I could remember was my name and that I was eleven years old. I looked in a broken mirror someone had tossed aside and saw I was a really small kid with long, white hair and strange large blue eyes wearing some old tattered robe.
My head hurt. I put my hand up to it and felt a small metal box "Ah!" I tried to pull at it, but it hurt when it moved, so I decided to leave it alone.
Stepping out of the alley in a daze, I wandered directly into the middle of the street. A car narrowly avoided me and I jumped backward to the sidewalk.
These surprise discoveries soon became commonplace to me. I nearly fell down a maintenance tunnel manhole, I found food and a man chased after me saying I had to pay for it, I even almost walked in front of a large construction vehicle.
Soon though, I became accustomed to this place. I found ways to get food without the people noticing, I found ways of getting around the city quickly. Things were fine until I began to notice that people were following me and I started wondering what I was doing there.
I saw the group that was following me everywhere I went. They wore nothing but black clothes, and were brilliant at hiding themselves. I saw them in the streets, at the market, even at the little half-destroyed home I stayed in at the edge of town. I once tried to talk to one of them, but they just walked away as if I weren't there.
Eventually though, my interesting happy little life took a turn for the worse. Now I'm not just being watched. The group that was after me before was actively trying to catch me doing something wrong. Last time I tried to take something from the market, one of them pointed me out and tried arresting me as an undercover cop. I got away with that, but I think they're getting desperate.
I never sleep. It sounds strange, but I don't really need it, which is lucky for me now that they're after me.
I'm happy though. They haven't caught me yet and it's actually kinda fun. Tomorrow, I hope to see them again, maybe they'll try something new.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Iie didn't expect the group's next move, and it wasn't welcomed as entertaining either. He was being chased through the side roads and alleys of the city by armed soldiers. None seemed willing to shoot at him, but it was still very dangerous.
Iie frowned, looking down from an old clock tower he had climbed up. "Now what?" he asked himself, dangling his legs off the edge of the ancient stone working. This area of the town refused to be modernized after space travel became a normal occurrence and the close by area 16 had been made into a ship dock.
That was it. Iie knew what to do now. He knew he didn't belong in the city and he had to lose the strange army of black-wearing stalkers. He knew he would have to get on one of those ships. He began to climb down the rusty metal ladder, stopping once when two people walked under it. He only saw their flashlights, but he was sure it was them, nobody else ever came to the area.
A couple of minutes after they were gone, Iie breathed a sigh of relief. The metal groaned and one of the ladder's step broke out from under him. He caught himself on the next bar up, but watching the bar fall down to the ground with a loud clank made him start to wonder why he always chose such high places to hide and think.
Soon he was on the ground running for the star port like mad. There was at least one person chasing him by now, so he couldn't stop for anything.
The massive hulls of freight ships could be seen from nearly anywhere in the city, but Iie was starting to see the little personal vessels that just about every fourth person in the universe had at the time. Iie ran up to the fence and climbed over the links with ease. He had gotten a lot of practice from running away from annoyed stall merchants over the past couple months.
A few seconds after Iie made the jump, he heard a loud electric buzz behind him. He looked back to see two of the black-clothed people on the ground past the fence. He hadn't noticed the sign that said it was an electric fence, and he didn't care to wonder why he didn't get fried. He took a quick look around the small freight ships, but couldn't seem to find a way into one of them.
Iie heard the gate opening behind him, he had to hurry. Then he saw it. In big black block print, right in front of him, were the words "S2-Miracle" and under the words was an access panel propped up against a small square hole that someone evidentially forgot to close up after repair.
Once Iie got over how appropriate the ship's name was given the situation, he climbed inside and clambered through the small crawlspace in between the ship's corridors and the outside. By following the red maintenance lights through the interior, he managed to find an entrance to the ventilation system, by falling down through it. He cried out at this unexpected trip and landed with a loud thud at the bottom of a long series of sectioned, metal-plated walls. "Oww." Iie rubbed his head, surprised he wasn't unconscious.
He heard a voice from somewhere, he knew they had to have heard him fall, he had to get away fast. He crawled down through the tunnel of vents, hoping they would eventually lose him. It was too dark to see anything and he kept bumping his head off of walls, but he eventually stopped hearing the people.
It was a long wait before the ship would take off, so Iie entertained himself by watching the happenings he could see through the thin-slitted vents. A woman working at a control panel, a man working on a machine in the back, a man sleeping in front of a television, and several people carting small metal crates on board by the dozens. For the most part, it seemed like a very professional environment.
After two and a quarter hours of waiting and watching, a loud roar reverberated through the ventilation system. Surprised at first, Iie let out a yell, but it was drowned out by the noise. The engine started up and the ship was fast to leave the atmosphere.
---------------------------------
Yes, I do realize that characters with amnesia is a very common stereotypical way to start a story, but just follow along with this, and trust me that this is no typical story...
I have the whole thing ready, IO just don't wanna throw it all out at once and watch people ignore it saying "OMGZORZ W4LL 0F TEXT! you are TEH ST00PIDZ!"
Oh yes, and if any of you are somewhat fluent in the Japanese language, you might just learn something from a literal translation of the main character's name