Contested Contest - Music [Writing]

[Presence]

Debrief: Mission: Contest: Essay: Subject: Bands that suck.

Your job as a participant in this contest is to write an exposition, be it brief or no-so-brief, on a musical group or band that you think completely sucks. Support your argument as best you can or feel like, comparison is allowed.

I'm not asking for incredibly well-written essays, but please don't submit entries wholly in chatspeak. I jus dont kare abot wtf ur sayin if ur typin lik this anata kno lol???

First prize is 25000 HL, two items of your choice (I can even upload some, I'm sure) and a custom title. One of those neat ones, like mine, that says "thug 4 lyfe" because it expresses how hip and with it I truly am.

Second prize is 17500 HL, a pat on the back and a custom title.

Honourable mentions below these two, of which there will be three, earn 2500 HL and a custom title.

You have until 11:59 GMT on 30 November, 2006. Go forth, and lampoon righteously!

[beautyqueenetna]

Not really a band, but I think it qualifies.

I really hate Brittney Spears. This goes beyond any of what's going on in her personal life crap. That really shouldn't matter.

Brittney used to have a large fan base primary consisting of young teenage girls. I didn't really like her music, but teeny bopper isn't really my thing. But she did portray good values, and was the sweet innocent role model good for young girls of that age.

Suddenly, out of the blue almost, she turned into a whore. She got greedy and sold herself to the producers completly destroying her image. She was advocating sex like that was the only way to have fun or be happy. Forgetting that her fan base was young, teenage girls.

So what did they start to to? They started to dress in tube tops and mini skirts looking like 12 year old prostitutes. What happened to the good role model she used to be? I blame alot of the skanky attire that the kids these days are wearing because of her abandoment.

They don't look sexy. They look trashy. Just like Brittney Spears.

Thanks alot bitch-wad. Look what you've done to this generation.

[Machina]

Oh lord, on the subject of trash; let's talk about PARIS HILTON!

First off, why does everyone with a bit of money think they can be a rock star? You see all these girls with no talent, except to take off their clothes and look 'pretty' with all this money to throw around; trying to take more by using so much technology they actually sound decent, when they're -not- live.

I, personally, have not heard Paris live, but I can just imagine; she probably throws in a 'thats hot' between each bridge, chorus, etc. She's so full of herself and this added musical 'fame' is just going to swell her big, dumb, blonde head even further.

But back to case in point, not only is she a whore off camera, but on camera as proven by the night-vision tape; she's also a whore in her music. Have you taken a look at her music videos? Hello, they scream sex. Paris not getting enough in the meantime she has to bring it into her musical crap as well? Hell, her new video has her moving into a new house and there's a neighbor boy much younger than her and it's basically a fantasy land of him on dates with her and the like.

What the fxck kind of thing is that to portray the young minds of today who watch crap like that on television? That it's totally okay to be a whore and slut yourself out to even minors? That if a hot chick moves in next door you are totally getting laid? Her music isn't music, it's wank material.

</rant>

[Wick De Worde]

Fall Out Boy.

Imagine, if you will, an "indie" band. Add one part unwarranted success, and mix till it reaches the desired taste of the masses. This band has two types of fans: The "alternative" pseudo-intellectuals who think listening to music other people haven't heard of makes them intelligent, but aren't quite bright enough to notice that the band has achieved international stardom, and the MTV viewers who will swallow anything with a beat that they can perform a jerky abomination of dance to, and nonsensical lyrics that they believe they can identify with.

The primary subject of this essay is the band's most famous song, "Sugar We're Going Down". Calling it a "song" is a bit of a stretch, as it just barely qualifies as music. A little more shouting and a little less sloppy guitar and this would've become interpretive poetry.

Let's dissect the lyrics, shall we?

"Am I more than you bargained for yet I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear"

Translation: "I think I'm pretty great, but I'm too much of a wuss to do anything that may not please you to the highest degree."

"Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum"

Translation: "I was thinking we could hang out in the graveyard and read poetry about miasmas and oblivions, at least until I get through this phase and move onto something a bit more hip and alternative."

"I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song"

T: "I really enjoy pointless symbolism."

"Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team"

T: "You're breaking my heart because you're sleeping with the entire football team, but I'm way too indie to be assertive."

"We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it"

T: "Every great song needs a symbolic line about shooting yourself for the sake of love."

"
Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him"

T: I watch you touch yourself, and kind of wish I was your underwear. Is that weird? I hope your boyfriend doesn't beat me up."

The rest of the song is just the same five lines about shooting yourself for love.

It's not deep, poetic, clever or original, and I'm tired of hearing about it. Thank you and goodnight.

[beautyqueenetna]

ha ha.. emo kids are hilarious... "I'm sad..." *cut cut cut*

[Machina]

Hahahaha. ;_; I like Fall Out Boy, and I'm emo. I used to cut myself >_<

[beautyqueenetna]

One of my friends does. But I find hers pretty cool. Because she doesn't want any ugly scars, she cuts Kanji into her skin. Some if it is actually quite beautiful

[Wick De Worde]

I'm sorry, but even if you're carving the mothersnaking Mona Lisa into your skin, it's still disgusting.

[Machina]

Haha. I used to just put small slices across my shins, where I knew it wouldn't do any severe damage. Just to the tissue, nothing majour.

[beautyqueenetna]

I don't think I could ever do something like that. Pain is not your friend